My Toolkit Pt1

Hi all, long time no see!
Firstly, thank you for reading this, I know it's been a while since I posted but I assure you it's not because I've run out of material or interest.  Quite the opposite in fact!

Since November (it's been THAT long!?!?!) I've been a bit overwhelmed with work and home and all the things.  It's times like that in which it is important to take a step back from anything that is not completely necessary.  In trying to take my own advice, I haven't opened the Blogger app at all.

Today it is the first proper cold weather of the season and I don't have to be anywhere for a few hours. So, while I bark orders at my delightful children about cleaning their room before they go back to school tomorrow, I will curl up in bed, with my pets at my feet, and write as much as I can as fast as I can!

This post is about a work in progress, and one that you all have going on whether you know it or not.  My Toolkit.

Much like the one you might have in your shed or garage, this toolkit is full of tools we can use everyday as well as some that we only pull out for that one project that's been collecting dust until you are tearing you hair out and decide to go digging for it and all the pieces it needs to work properly... and maybe we need to duck down to Bunnings because we forgot that we haven't done that project already because we need a replacement part... sigh.

However, my toolkit is full of ideas.  Some physical items, some activities, some different approaches, all collated though experience to help get through the days as best we can.

I say this is a work in progress because some things, you'll find, work brilliantly for a day or a month or for years until our special people catch onto the trick or grow out of it, or it's just no longer viable.  And, of course, we're always learning and finding new and exciting hurdles to crawl under, or swing off, or sit next to rocking back and forth with our fingers in our ears.  I would LOVE to hear about anything you have in your toolkit or if any of these have worked for you.  Please leave a comment or email me.

Also, please don't feel like you need to do all of these things.  Read them, think about one or two you can implement this week and see how it goes for you.  Don't try using a chainsaw when you only need a screwdriver.

Ok, get to the good stuff.

• NUMBER ONE - my team.  Everyone has someone.  Even if it is a veritable stranger on Facebook. Your team is the MOST valuable resource you have.  But be careful, not everyone is on your team, even if they love you and are good people.  Your team are the people you have that support YOU and your special person/people.  If you are lucky, like me, you'll have so many people on your team that you will have positions for each of them.  If you're new to this and don't have a lot of support in this area you need to build a team - that Facebook group, the Mum friends, the teacher that looks for ways to help, medical professionals, your partner, your extended family, whoever you can talk to that leaves you feeling better - not the ones who make you feel terrible.  Don't discount anyone's positive contribution, they're all worthwhile.
  
  Your team is only as good as you let it be.  ASK for help and support. Be specific.  If you just need to vent - say so! If you need help - ask! Whether you need ideas or just a distraction, your team is there for you.
  
  Thanks for being on my team!   

• routine - I wrote about planning here.  Routine can be anything from, we always sit in the same spots for dinner, to detailed checklists for getting ready.  Predictability can reduce anxiety and confusion making any interruptions easier.  We don't have to argue about the favourite pink t-shirt being in the wash today because your school uniform is blue, leaving time to discuss the importance of wearing a jumper in the middle of winter.  I'm not saying he'll never want to wear something else, but we've had the rules of school uniform so long that it is routine and no longer a question. 
  The same can be applied to SOOO many things.
  - seating in the car, on the couch, at the dinner table
  - breakfast and school lunches
  - how we get to and from activities and what we do on the way
  - who we spend time with and when
  - which household tasks are completed by whom and when
  This might all sound painfully structured but, if you think about it, you're probably already doing it - you take the same rout to work or school or doctors each time, you have your coffee the same each morning.  We all have routines, it's just that our special people thrive with them.  AND once we understand the importance and reliance on routines, we can carefully choose where and how to alter them to get the outcomes we need with minimal trauma - or to build resilience to change.
• music - remember pumping up the volume on your CD player while you got ready for a night out? weeping into a box of tissues when you felt like a massive piece of shit that nobody would ever love while listening to sad break-up songs? you know how a basic guitar riff can instantly take you back to the summer of '69 even though you were born in the '80's?  Music is IMPORTANT and not just for nostalgia.  We can support or even change our mood with the right music.  It can help us concentrate, energize, relax, or sleep.
  At our place we play music as much as possible. 
  - Upbeat sing-a-longs are a common occurrence in our kitchen (sorry-not-sorry to anyone who's witnessed my rendition of The Circle of Life) it brings us together and lifts our spirits while getting dinner ready at the end of the day when tensions are prone to build. Taking a few minutes longer to get dinner is a small price to pay for not having a meltdown to deal with because they don't like red food this week and suddenly have to cuddle the dog and cry for 90 minutes before they can finish eating.
  - little jingles or chants help to keep the routines going, like the tidy-up song the use in play group I chant "PICK SOMETHING UP! WHERE DOES IT GO? *clap* *clap* OKAY, WHAAAT'S NEXT?" sooooo many times a day for soooooo many years, that now I just have to say 'pick something up' in a singsong voice and they hear the rest anyway - like how I can say "My Dad picks the fruit..." and you will have the whole Cottee's ad stuck in your head for hours - you're welcome. 
  Try choosing a song that cues bath time, or pack up time, or wake up time.  Download it to your phone and you can even set it to start playing at specific times so you don't even have to think about it. Yay technology!
  - guided meditation, audio books, spa music, sounds of thunderstorms, soothing ocean sounds, ACDC, whatever you want, to help calm the mind for sleep.
  - general mood altering - Spotify (not sponsored) (and I assume other streaming services) have music categorised into mood. So Handy! What mood do you want the household to be in? Relaxed? Focused? Energetic? Identify the mood you want and seek out music to support or create that.
• music lessons - I've often said that piano lessons are the best investment we've ever made.  It is the cheapest and most effective therapy Ratbag has ever had.  If your aspie has any interest in playing music, or even math and patterns, at all I highly recommend seeking out ways to help them learn.  Music lessons can be costly and time consuming but the benefits are incredible.  This tool has helped my son with everything from expressing and controlling his emotions to socialising at school.  But don't take my word for it! - The wonders of the internet have all the evidence from those much better educated on the matter than I - see here.
  There are cheap and free options to get your family started in playing music available online.  Lessons freely available on YouTube are a great resource for beginners and advanced musicians.  We started with Hoffman Academy's free lessons over 6 years ago and I'm so grateful.  (I'm not paid to say that - they don't know me, it's just what's worked for us).
• food - this can be a tricky one, especially if your special person is a 'picky eater' or is prone to over indulging.  Eating disorders, even in children, are very real and very common in people on the Autism Spectrum for a variety of reasons.  If you're concerned about food related behaviours I encourage you to seek help as Ocupational Therapists and Psychologists can provide the right tools to work with your Aspie.  If it's not going to interfere with any treatments we can use food in a similar manner to music, as a cue or trigger for behaviour.  Soft, mild-flavoured food to calm the mood, or crunchy, strong/sour/spicy food to energise.  How does your child deal with lunch time at school? Is it overwhelming? try a soft white bread with butter and cheese for lunch (I am not a nutritionist - this is just if mood/behaviour is the battle you're fighting today).  Is he tired in the afternoon and struggles to concentrate on class work? Ask the teacher if he can have his carrot sticks in line before returning to class after lunch - hell, send them for the whole class if you have to! 
  A quick search for sensory foods found this for your all.  She's even got a free print out if you want a prompt for sensory snacking. Actually she has heaps of resources - maybe you should just go read her blog... I'll miss you 😢 (not sponsored - literally just found her right now).
• the red beast box - this is based on the book The Red Beast which is about calming down the angry monster that lives inside us.  Excellent book. (still not sponsored - if anyone has experience monetizing blogs I could use your help - cheers team!).  We have a box that lives in our lounge room filled with sensory toys and tools.  I've been collecting things to add to this box for years.  Fluffy things, squishy things, stretchy things, masks, bubble wrap, head phones, one of those 'calm down bottles' that are all over Pinterest, bubbles, fidget spinners, basically anything that will fit that has some sort of sensory benefit that my children can use to block out the world and refocus. 
  It's easy to put one of these together for your family - or as a fun gift for all the un-diagnosed children in your extended family that you're now suspicious of.  Get a box, fill it with stuff - DONE!  Try to get a range of things so the child can choose the right tool for them at the time. Think of each of the 5 senses and make use of each one.
  - sight: lots of colours, bubbles, glitter, sand or goo hour-glass timers, or eye mask to block out light.
  - hearing: headphones to play music or earmuffs to block sound
  - smell: essential oils, scratch n sniff stickers, scented pens or scented toys
  - taste: I wouldn't put food in the red beast box, but oral sensations are important to consider.  Chewable jewelry or anything you have that they like that's safe to bite on, even a clean face-washer.  Just remember to wash it when they're done before it goes back in the box. 
  - touch: textures. lots and lots of textures. bubble wrap, soft, fluffy, scratchy, bumpy, big thick elastic bands, whatever your child is attracted to.
  When we go out, especially somewhere new or worrying, I have Froggie pick out a couple of things from the red beast box to take with us.  I am constantly finding squishy dinosaurs in my pockets, it's great.  I had a purple spinosaurus in my jacket pocket during a job interview once.
  You can also have gum (if your kids can handle it) or other sensory foods as discussed above for an on-the-go sensory kit. 
  Bigger kids can have stuff in or on their school bag or pencil case.  A beautiful aspie-teen emptied her backpack for me once - among other things she carried; a comb (she found combing her arm alerting), an unused thick paintbrush (to brush on her skin - calming), flavoured lip balm (she didn't care what it looked like - she liked the feel and the smell/taste), and an old key (she liked the cold metal feel and the shape).
  A successful adult aspie I know fiddles with a bulldog clip at his desk while he reads to help him focus and has and ice-cold water bottle with him at all possible times. 
  That's some Covert Sensory Processing Support right there. 
• p.o.v. - to understand someone we have to walk a mile in their shoes. OR we can use our super skills of empathy (if ours work sufficiently) OR we can talk to others who are like them and have the explain it to us.  Whichever way, it is incredibly valuable to really understand that we might not be perceiving the world or the actions of ourselves and those around us in the same way as someone else might.  Just because you have a particular point of view in a situation, doesn't mean everyone has that view.  And theirs is right for them given the information they have.  Some years ago, Swinburne University released a free online course about understanding Autism.  I was lucky enough to be a student in the first class.  I believe they've continued to update it with the latest information and this course is still free and online here.  I found this course helpful in my understanding of how my children and others might be experiencing the world - this understanding continues to serve me daily in all aspects of my life.  If you are so inclined - I highly recommend opening yourself up to this concept. 

I think that's enough to keep you sufficiantly overwhelmed for now. More to come.  Please comment or e-mail me with any questions or suggestions.  Enjoy playing with your tools!